Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
