We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
