Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
