I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
