Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
