Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
