I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
