a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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