I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
