Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
