you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
