i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
