Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
