Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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