He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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