just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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