this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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