omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found a bag of teeth...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
