I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
