Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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