According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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