you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
