Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
