No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
