I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
