Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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