i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
