The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
