Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
