I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
