ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i dont even know how to be here
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
