The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
