I heard we made out
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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