so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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