paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
