talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
