oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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