Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
