I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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