His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He shit in the fireplace
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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