Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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