No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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