I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
