Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize