I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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