Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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