Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
