If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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