This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
