im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
