ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
