..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
