you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
