Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
