Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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