He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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