mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
