I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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