GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
