Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
