I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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