remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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