I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
