Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
