i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
