I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
