Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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