Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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