In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
