No stitches, just platelets and will power
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
As shirtless as possible
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
