Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
