We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
