my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am naked and annoyed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
