ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
