soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
