It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
