best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
