I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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