I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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