Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
