Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize