yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
