I'm gonna have a badass scar
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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